Stop Bullying Yourself — with Dr. Anna Marie Frank

Dr. Anna Marie Frank — The Mindset Doctor™ — is a Doctor of Traditional Naturopathy with a PhD in Natural Medicine, a Certified Brain Health Professional, and founder of Happy Whole You in Bakersfield, California. She's the author of Stop Bullying Yourself! and Activate Your Extraordinary, and host of The Happy Whole You™ Podcast.

In this episode, Dr. Tabatha, Ashlee, and Dr. Anna Marie talk about the detours (nostalgia, regret, anxiety) that pull women off the path God has for them, what your tongue, fingernails, and skin are already telling you about your health, why full transparency with your practitioner matters, and why letting your ego die may be the most spiritually healthy thing you ever do.

Topics covered:

●        Why nostalgia, regret, and anxiety are detours — and how to recognize when you're in one

●        What your tongue, fingernails, and skin are trying to tell you about what's going on inside your body

●        Why functional medicine requires full transparency — and why so many women hold back

●        The "inner pharmacy" — how your thoughts and choices shape your body's own chemistry

●        Why letting your ego die is the doorway to the calling God has for you

●        Breaking the people-pleasing pattern and reconnecting with what you actually want

●        Dr. Anna Marie's free brain-type assessment: Take my FREE Quantum Alignment Assessment

Scripture referenced: Psalm 139:13-14

Find Dr. Anna Marie: happywholeyou.com | Instagram: @dr.anna.marie and @happywholeyou | Book, Stop Bullying Yourself!: amzn.to/4fp7aKY

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Fast to Faith is hosted by Dr. Tabatha Barber — OB/GYN, functional medicine physician, and founder of the Fast to Faith Sisterhood and Coaching Academy.

Transcript

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Walking Away From Safe Success

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I walked away from an 18-year career at 40 years old. I walked away from six-figure income, health benefits from my family. I mean, check every box.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Yeah, me too. That's why we connected so quickly.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

On the outside, it's like, what are you doing? You're crazy. How could you ever do that?

Dr. Tabatha 0:22

If you're tired of doing all the right things and still feeling exhausted, stuck in your body, and disconnected from God, this podcast is for you. I'm Dr. Tabitha, a triple board certified functional medicine physician, and I help women stop fighting their bodies and start healing them God's way. Let's get into it. And still your body isn't responding. What if, what if the problem isn't what you're doing? What if there's some blockages in your body that's preventing the healing that God already designed that's possible for you? I am so excited for this conversation today because truly it's not just about adding more things. We have to figure out why we are blocking the healing? What is preventing that? So Ashley and I have an incredible guest for you today. Let's dive in. Let's get into all of it. Hello, girl. Hi, how are you doing? I'm so happy. You know why? Because we had an incredible week. I had an incredible seven days, and then you came down to Tennessee and joined me. Are you feeling recovered from the travel? Oh, yeah. I feel great actually. Good. I want to share something vulnerable with our listeners because I think they're gonna uh learn something from it. So

Detours Of Regret And Gratitude

Dr. Tabatha 2:00

you and I went down, hung out with one of our mentors, Taylor Welsh. He did a two-day transition intention workshop, right? He was like, You're gonna work. That's why it's a workshop, it's not just a training. And we looked at each other like, oh snap.

Ashlee 2:17

Which it was so much better than a conference. We're never going to another conference again, we've decided.

Dr. Tabatha 2:22

Yes, exactly. We're doing workshops. But he talked about detours and how we can miss what God has for us because we can get sidetracked in these detours. And he talked about different ones um, nostalgia, regret, anxiety. And the regret one really spoke to me. And I think it was because I had my son's graduation party this weekend in full transparency. I had to go to the house that I designed and built with my ex-husband, who he still lives there with his wife and have the party there. And God knew that I was gonna have all kinds of feelings, right? And I was talking to you and you're praying for me, like, oh Lord, please don't let this derail her or detour her from what we're working on, because those emotional spirals can take you down, right? You've seen me go through it. Yes, and so Taylor talked a lot about first of all, ask God, you know, what do you want me to learn from what I went through there? And find the gratitude and the forgiveness. And so I just sat down and I forgave myself for my part in how that relationship ended for my ex-husband, everything that went down. And I just focused on all of the gratitude that I could have before I got to the house and to the party. And you showed up, which was amazing. Thank you. But how did I seem to you?

Ashlee 4:03

Better than I expected, but what I had hoped for.

Dr. Tabatha 4:07

Yeah. I felt really good there the whole day. I wasn't having nostalgia feelings and I wasn't having regret and bitterness or any of that. I just was so grateful to see the people show up for my son and all the love and my ex-husband and his wife, like all the amazing um effort they put into that day. It was so cool.

Ashlee 4:33

Yeah, I loved what Taylor had said about nostalgia when that starts to creep back in to start saying gratitude, like just start spewing it out because you have so much to be grateful for in your current circumstance. And so I think that's what you did.

Dr. Tabatha 4:49

Exactly. And you don't want to keep reliving the past because God has better days planned for you, right? So I'm so grateful for that training. And we learned how to play pickleball. We did. Like it's good. Yes. Oh my gosh. Okay, well, I'm excited. This is so fun, you guys. So another mastermind that I'm in with Brooke Thomas, live out loud, one of my beautiful friends, Shelly, connected me with the doctor out in California. She's like, oh my gosh, this naturopath doctor is so amazing. I need to connect you. We get on the phone, and lo and behold, she is from this area. And so she flew across the country to visit her family, and we got her in the studio today.

Meet Dr. Anna Marie Frank

Dr. Tabatha 5:40

So welcome, Dr. Anna Marie Frank.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Dr. Tabatha 5:44

Oh my gosh, this is so fun because I just I love doing in-person way more than through Zoom, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Absolutely.

Dr. Tabatha 5:52

But it's so cool how God just works these divine connections. Like He knew that we needed to connect. So I'm really excited for this conversation. And when I started going through all your stuff, I was like, wow, our message is so aligned about renewing your mind and really honoring the body and working with it and not against it. So we're gonna dive into all of that because you have some juicy, good information. It's gonna be so good. Okay, ladies, I just need to sing Dr. Anne Marie's praises really quickly. Check her out on Instagram. She is the mindset doctor, she has a doctor of natural, she is a doctor of traditional naturopathy. I can never say that. I know it's a it's a tongue twister. She's a PhD in natural medicine. She is a quantum body coach. We need to talk about that. That's so cool. She is the founder of Happy Whole You, which is out in Bakersfield, California. And she has the podcast. And look at what she brought me. Stop bullying yourself. I love that title because literally that is what I did for decades. I was so mean to myself. So we need to unpack all of this. Welcome. Yes, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Thank you. I'm so grateful to be here.

Dr. Tabatha 7:13

Yeah. First of all, you suffered with depression, and that was kind of what drove you into this world, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Yeah. I'm and it started really around high school. And I just quietly didn't know what was going on inside of me. I just know I didn't feel okay. But on the outside, everything looked good. And so I just stayed quiet with it and really just suffered in silence for for many years.

Depression And Life Transitions

SPEAKER_01 7:42

And as much work as I've done, there's still those moments that come back. And I love how you guys were just talking about the workshop you're just at in nostalgia and how it can bring up all these emotions. And I think that's very active, at least in this time span of my life, too, where I know you have some older kids. Um, my son is gonna be a junior, and my daughter, and so like there's so many things that are brought up when we have these transitions in life that it kind of feels like it hits us. And we're like, wait a minute, I wasn't expecting this, right? And so as a recovering control freak, I'm like, um, where were the warning signs, you know, as you step into these new chapters? So um it's definitely something that I work through. I feel like I was able to really heal myself from it, but there are elements that still come up today, and you know, that's where I get to go to gratitude. I get to go to prayer and work through those.

Dr. Tabatha 8:34

Yeah, we have coaches and women in our program who are going through those transitions, like their kids are graduating or they're getting married, they're leaving the home for good. And I think it's in our nature as women to be sad and want to just like sulk in it and woe is me, poor me, instead of like, oh my gosh, I did such an amazing job. They're actually capable of being independent humans and finding a partner and getting a job. And wouldn't you say that derails so many women?

Ashlee 9:09

Yeah, it also we've we've blocked out all the hard times during all those great times, too. Like it's hard to raise kids and it's tiring. And so now you're stepping into a season when they do graduate of having some time freedom and being able to put yourself truly first. So I think it goes back to that gratitude piece, is like you've got to focus on some new things and find some new gratitude.

Dr. Tabatha 9:31

Yeah, absolutely. So you have been through all of that, right? And tell me how has that impacted the way that you show up for patients and um care for them?

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Yeah, I mean, I do believe like God put me on these ups and downs very purposefully. It helps me relate so much to my clients. I mean, when you know, someone comes in and they're like they have this life that they've created and they're like, I should be grateful for this, but I'm looking around and I am not okay inside. But yet I've chosen all this. When they share that with me, I can totally relate. I've been in that moment before. Um, when they come in and they're like, I just don't know who I am anymore. Like I feel like I've lost myself. Yep. I like I can relate to that. And so I feel like it is so on purpose, these dark moments that we have and these challenges that we have, because it better helps us for the next person that comes along. Because I have to remind myself, it is not about me. You know, and so um, but going through these moments and sometimes there are full seasons, it really does help with what our purpose is, and I believe what God brought us here to do. And um those are the things we get to go through, and there's no shortcut around it. I always, you know, when I work with clients, it's like it is normal to feel depression, it is normal to feel anxiety, it is normal to feel shame and regret. It's also normal to feel joy and happiness and all these wonderful feelings. So what is not normal or okay is when we're feeling those negative emotions most of the time, right? So that's where we need to work with a practitioner and and get some support in that. But but it is we're supposed to have all of these emotions as we go through this thing called life. I mean, we're here to feel the spectrum of all of it. And so, um, but I think it's just being mindful of like, okay, how am I feeling? Where am I at right now? And not judging ourselves, but being like, okay, and what's where's that gratitude at? How do I having those tools to pull us out? And so that's where I show up with my clients and am really able to help them grab these tools and do some different things that can lift them up in those moments when we feel like, oh goodness, like, how am I gonna get out of this one?

Dr. Tabatha 13:29

Yeah, exactly. And I think it's really important that women work with a practitioner who understands like there are physical, physiological reasons that you can feel these mental feelings, the depression, the anxiety, the overwhelm. And then there are emotional things, there are um trauma responses, memories, all of that. And so having a clinician who can help you parse that out and figure out like what is a vitamin deficiency versus what is me just spiraling in my, you know, lies that I'm believing. Right. And so I would love for you to kind of walk us through where do you even start with women when they come into your practice?

SPEAKER_01 14:18

So whether I see them in person or remotely, the very first thing that they do is I actually look at their tongue, I look at their eyes, I look at their fingernails, I look at their face. Um, if we're in person, I'll hold their hand. So I'm really trying to see what physical observations is the body trying to give us that says, hey, I'm deficient inside or this is going on. And I try to get to the root of

Body Clues For Root Causes

SPEAKER_01 14:44

what their body's trying to share. And then I ask them so many questions because there's so much information in how people are speaking about their life, the tone of their voice, the cadence of their voice. And so there's a lot that's happening in in my session when I meet with someone to figure out okay, what how can we restore your foundations of health? Because what I've found is if we don't look at the physical, the mental, the emotional, the energetics, and the physical part of people, we don't truly get to healing. And so I think all of those elements are really important versus just the physical biochemical aspect. We have to include the rest of it.

Dr. Tabatha 15:24

Yeah, absolutely. I know that you want to ask, what the heck is with the tongue, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Yeah, let's hear it. All right, so yeah, so in ch I study Chinese medicine. So in Chinese medicine, I mean the Chinese have really what they've been doing is for over 2,500 years. There's so much ancient wisdom, which is beautiful. And God perfectly designed our bodies. And often we're trying to override what our bodies are trying to suggest to us and to tell us and to teach us. Uh, because we just don't want to feel it, we don't want to look, we don't want to see it. And we're like, you know, so anyways, but the tongue, if you stick your tongue out, your tongue should lay flat as you take it, stick it out. It shouldn't be super skinny, it shouldn't be swollen, there shouldn't be scalloping on the side of the tongue, there shouldn't be a straight line down the middle of your tongue, uh, but coating on your tongue, it should be like a beautiful light pink color, but no horizontal lines. So all of those markings on the tongue can indicate different things going on physically in the body, and those physical things can be tied back to an emotional thing going on within the body, uh, whether it's your own or something you inherited through lineage as well. So that's a whole nother piece that we play with. But it is a great indicator of what could be going on internally. I mean, just having someone stick their tongue out and just having it hang out. If your tongue quivers and it can it doesn't stop, like you cannot allow your tongue to just stick out and lay out. That is suggesting that there's probably some adrenal stuff going on, some anxiousness going on. Pretty much we we're burning the candle at both ends, right? I'll get my rest next week, you know. So, um, but yeah, looking at the tongue can give us so much valuable information.

Dr. Tabatha 17:14

Absolutely. I'm so glad that you brought that up. I was recently adjusting my thyroid medication because I was feeling like it was too much. Um, I don't recommend you be your own doctor, but I had adjusted it and I was not feeling well. And I went to the dentist and she had mentioned that I had scalloping on the sides of my mouth. And I was like, oh duh, hello. Like I learned all of this, and I looked at my tongue in the mirror when I got home and it was looking swollen and like I was biting the sides of it, and that's a clear indication of low thyroid function. I was like, oh my goodness. So, like this stuff matters and it works, and I'm so glad that we're talking about it because I think in this day and age, we want to bypass all that wisdom, you know, and just looking at the physical body can give you so many clues, and the tongue is just one of them. So I know somebody's like thinking about this one right now.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

Yeah, yeah. And even like your fingernails, if you look at your fingernails and you see a lot of white dots on your fingernails, that can be a sign of allergens, uh, mineral deficiencies, vertical lines, digestion, also needing some more fatty acids. Um, so again, chipping of the fingernails, um, weak fingernails, you know, maybe some collagen and needing some more proteins in your life. So the body is incredible. It's it's really incredible. And we can look at our body and listen to our body, and it's just whether we know how to decode what it's sharing with us.

Dr. Tabatha 18:51

Exactly. I'm thinking about the skin, you know, the little telangectasias and the little red spots you can get when your liver's congested, or skin tags when you have elevated blood sugar chronically, those skin tags stop popping up everywhere. So much information.

Ashlee 19:08

Yeah, there is. So here's what I was gonna say. So I think this is so important for the women listening because we try to explain this ourselves at the practice level of like when you're working with us, anything that happens, we need to know about. So, and I think we're so used to like we have the dentist bucket and we have the dermatologist, you know what I mean? Like, if something happens with my tongue, I should tell the dentist or my skin, I should tell the dermatologist. But like when you're working with your, like your clients or we're working with ours, like we need to know every little thing emotionally, like, and I just don't think women are used to that because they're used to having to tell 14 people different stories, and that's just not how it works when you're dealing with functional medicine. And so I just wanted to say that because that was just like what I was like feeling over here.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

And yeah, yeah, and I think that because on average, I think a doctor spends what, five to seven minutes with a patient, and nothing against doctors, Western doctors, but I mean, that's how they were trained. That's the insurance companies they deal with, they're in this racket that they have to deal with. And so, yeah, I'm my first session with clients are 90 minutes to two hours. Like it is like full intake, full on. Like, I know you pretty much they tell me almost by the time we're done, I know more about them than you know. Um, but that you're exactly right. It is so important, and I think that we omit things from our practitioners, especially because we're used to that Western approach that is like, okay, yeah, you know, I go to this doctor for this, I go to that doctor for that. And when it comes to functional medicine, it we want to know everything, everything. And it's important to to share that. And um, I have found too sometimes when I'm working with clients, they feel intimidated by their practitioner.

Dr. Tabatha 21:00

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

And I think that is a a part of of it that is really challenging as well, is people feel inferior um to their practitioner. And that makes me really, really sad because you're coming to these people for help, but yet you feel like you have to omit certain things and you're not open to sharing. And that's nothing against the person coming in. It's just as a society, like we get to work on that for sure.

Dr. Tabatha 21:30

Yeah, it's how the system was designed, it was very paternalistic forever, you know. Even when I went to medical school 20 some years ago, that is how I was trained. It was like, I know best over this patient, and they need to be compliant. That word used to drive me crazy. Non-compliant, non-compliant. They're not doing what I say. It's like, well, maybe they disagree and they know their body better, but that is just not the conventional way. So I understand people are hesitant, they're afraid to share or to even question. Especially, I would say, women over probably 45, they're not gonna question their doctor. They're not gonna get into a heated debate about you know, BHRT and breast cancer and things. It's just not gonna happen. So um This younger generation is going to run the boat. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

I uh yeah, the younger generation. I've had some some young moms too that have definitely I had a nine-year-old, well, maybe she's 10, come in. Um, her TSH was over 200. The doctors told her that they're probably gonna have to cut her thyroid out. And she's been to internal medicine, and she's like comes to me like you're my last hope. And full disclosure, I am not a medical doctor. I do not diagnose, I do not prescribe, but I will look at your body and be like, okay, God, what does this person in front of me need? What is this body saying in front of me? And is there a

Self Advocacy Beyond The Medical Script

SPEAKER_01 22:59

natural something that we can use? And um, she just came back in after 90 days. I put her on, she went on a plant stem cell and a couple other uh nutraceuticals that I've developed. Um, and it was a 5.68. And her doctor did not, it was like she still needs to up her thyroid med. And the mom was like beside herself, and she pretty much got fired from a doctor's. Because she was she was not willing to just keep upping her medication. And so, you know, like I see miracles like that happening each and every day. But it starts with a woman that is like, you know what? I'm gonna, I'm gonna see what else is out there. And them sticking to their gut. And I love how I don't know if you know who Barbara O'Neill is, but Barbara O'Neill always says, you know, we should not make decisions on our health when we are in fear. Yes. We get to sit back, we get to pray, we get to think about how does this body function, how does it work, and make decisions from more of a clear head versus making these rapid, quick decisions in the moment when we're feeling like pressures on us. And I think that's really important. So the younger generation, super proud of them because they are questioning everything. And I'm like, keep it up. Like, that's what we get to do. We get to question it. Exactly.

Dr. Tabatha 24:25

And I just truly believe that we're not supposed to be walking around full of disease and conditions and ailments and like falling apart. That's just not how our bodies are designed. They're continuously in a state of healing and regeneration, but we're blocking it. So let's talk about how are we blocking it mentally, physically, emotionally, all the things. And you talk about this internal pharmacy of like our body knows how to heal, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Yes. I, this is like incredible.

Your Inner Pharmacy And Mind Renewal

SPEAKER_01 25:00

So when I was in my early 20s and I had my first job, I had health insurance and I was struggling with depression. So I went to a psychiatrist, left the psychiatrist's office. I was on three mind-altering medications in my early 20s. I kept going back and back. This isn't working, you know. And I was on an SSRI, I was on an ADHD med, then they put me on an anxiety med. And I was literally like, I didn't know what I know now. And um ultimately I ended up going back one last time after months and months, and I I was a God moment. It woke me up inside. And I just I had to leave that office. And I remember I went outside and it was like the sky was blue for the first time, the trees were green, and I was like, okay, like you get to heal yourself. You're the only person that can make you happy. And through my journey, I learned, I was like, oh my gosh, there's no way to measure brain chemistry. But that doctor told me, Oh, you probably have a a chemical imbalance in your brain, so we're gonna put you on an SSRI. He never scanned my brain, never looked at my brain, never took my blood. There was nothing. And I'm like, as I've studied the brain and and looked at like Dr. Amman's work is amazing as well. I'm like, the brain is the only organ in the body a doctor doesn't scan, look at, or anything before they medicate it, before they treat it. That's yet it's running everything. That is, I mean, like if we sit back, this is wild stuff. Yeah, right. And so when I learned that, I was like, oh my goodness. And then what's crazy is that moment I walked out of that psychiatrist's office that day, why was the sky blue for the first time to me? Why were the trees really green? Why did I have this sense of power and energy within my body? Because I shifted my thinking. I changed a thought which changed my biochemistry, and it's been proven in science. Your biochemistry can change in 150 to 300 milliseconds by shifting the thought alone. That is power, my friends. Like that is your inner pharmacy. So every day we wake up, we are choosing our prescription, we are choosing how we are going to feel. And yes, things are gonna happen. We may stub our toe and we can be like, oh my gosh, you know, but then we can also laugh at it at the same time. Like we are choosing our thoughts. And when I started to realize this, I was like, oh my gosh, like I can literally reprogram my brain. It was the first time like I had hope for myself. I thought I was like doomed by the brain I have. And then we look at neuroplasticity and neuroscience and what that's teaching us and epigenetics. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I want to scream it from the rooftops. Like, we are not stuck with where we're at, how we're feeling. We get to change that. And so that's exciting stuff to me.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

She's speaking her language, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:00

So good.

Dr. Tabatha 28:01

Oh my gosh, is that not like everything? Yeah. I think that is one of our main messages through Fast to Faith, is like this renewal of the mind is a daily, ongoing effort. And so I love how you frame it in the sense of when I wake up, I get to choose what medications I'm taking, what pharmacy is happening in my brain. I am going to like create dopamine. I'm gonna create serotonin with my activities and my thoughts. And it's so empowering if we could just figure out how to harness that, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Yes, absolutely. And I think like I love Michael Singer's work. He wrote the book, The Untothered Soul. I'm not sure if you've ever read it. It is amazing. But his whole thing is like the ultimate win in life is being okay inside, no matter what's going on around us. Yeah.

Dr. Tabatha 28:57

Real quick, I just want to interrupt this conversation for something super important. Even though we need to take care of ourselves spiritually, emotionally, and physically, we do have to take care of ourselves at a cellular level. And that is why I have my fast-to-face supplement line. So let's just take a minute to hear about something that might be the game changer that you need in this season. I love to recommend our 321 liver detox quarterly or every season if you live where

Why The 3-2-1 Liver Detox Works

Dr. Tabatha 29:32

there's seasons. Like you should be doing this two to four times a year just to support those liver detox pathways so that your body can get rid of the ongoing toxic burden. It's like a bucket that continues to fill up and you gotta pour it out and clean it out so that it can fill up again, because that's just the world we live in.

Ashlee 29:52

Yeah, we have a really great guide. So when you purchase the kit, you also get an email with a really great guide because we talk a little bit about like food and some lifestyle changes that we recommend.

Dr. Tabatha 30:02

And I love how orthomolecular has structured the way that you're supposed to take it. Because say your phase two liver pathway is really congested. If you start opening phase one, you're just gonna get a backup of more toxins because like you have to open the other pathway first. So it's really important that you're pooping first, and then you have your second phase working, and then your first phase. That's why we call it three, two, one. You need to work backwards on opening these pathways, and that's why some women feel like garbage when they take liver cleanses or liver detoxes, because it's only working on phase one. Can you speak to that a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 30:44

There's a specific way and process in which your liver will, in a healthy manner, take toxins and mobilize them out of the body. And our science team put the 3, 2, 1 detox together in a manner where we want to mobilize and well, so there are three phases: one, two, three. The second and third phases, you want to get those rolling first. Because once you get those rolling, then the toxins will be able to more concretely kind of move throughout. So the science behind it is we give the specific raw materials that will upregulate phase two and three first. So now we're rocking and rolling. Now, some folks they just may need to do two and three a little bit longer before they start the phase one product. That's okay. That's fine. I mean, your body is gonna be different, unique to you. Um, so it's not easy to do, but that's what when you come out on the other side of a challenge, it's like you're a different person. And so it's so much more than really just an actual detox. It is that, but you will be a different person at the end of it. You should feel better, you should feel lighter.

Ashlee 31:46

Your skin likely is gonna look better, it's brighter, puffiness. Like take before and after pictures because you're gonna be mind-blown about the poffiness like in your face. Yeah. Um, that's when usually I can tell that I need to do one when I I start to feel that kind of poofy type skin.

Dr. Tabatha 32:02

Yes, like Paul in prison. Uh, whatever's happening, I'm gonna continue to just be grateful and glorify God. If you can figure out how to have joy in the trials and the tribulations, it's a game changer because life is messy. Life is hard. That's just the truth of it. It doesn't matter. And I'm sorry, ladies, but if you're praying for God to change your circumstances, he's not going to. He wants to change you, he wants to build your character. And so we have to start praying differently and learn how to get through those circumstances, how to persevere, how to endure, how to suffer with joy, right?

SPEAKER_01 32:46

Absolutely. And I do think there's also a piece of like where we get to change what's going on within us, and then things around us start to shift because our perspective shifts. And if we keep getting those emotions that come back, we get to take action to essentially listen to our soul and what our calling is. But I don't know about you guys, but I'm a recovering people pleaser and uh someone who recovers from doing what everyone else said I should do and how my life should look, which is part of the reason why I bought land in Michigan, because I'm like, I want to be back here. My soul is calling me to come back here. And I find myself in California, and yes, there's so many great things there, but I get to build this house here. I get to live here when I feel like it. I get to live in California when I feel like it and do that dance because that's what my soul's calling. And so I think sometimes we

People Pleasing Versus Divine Calling

SPEAKER_01 33:44

get paralyzed in fear to make a decision that can be a huge financial decision. It could be, you know, something that hurts other people's feelings. It can be things where, you know, maybe our family's not gonna look the same, you know, because I am married. I've been married 17 years, just had my anniversary. Congratulations. And people are like, well, wait, but your husband has a business back there. What do you like? Is he gonna move here? Is he gonna? I'm like, I don't know, guys. I don't know what's gonna happen. But we're figuring it out. Like, we're happy if I'm here for a month or what we don't know. We don't know. But I think that for a long time, I didn't choose to come back and move back because it was like I was answering everybody else's questions. It's like we get to sit, this is our life, and we get to sit with it and be like, what is it that I truly desire? What is God putting in front of me? And step into that. And honestly, like everyone else, their opinions about us don't really matter.

Ashlee 34:45

They're none of our business either. Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

I think Rachel Hollis said that other people's opinions are like none of your business, something like that. But um, but that's something I'm really actively working through right now in my life with my emotions and like the nostalgia and like in all of that. And I think that we don't talk about that enough because it's like I walked away from an 18-year career at 40 years old. I walked away from six-figure income, health benefits from my family. I mean, check every box.

SPEAKER_02 35:13

Yeah, me too. That's why we connected so quickly.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

On the outside, it's like, what are you doing? You're crazy. How could you ever do that? And then, and then other people's fears, we allow them to attach to us, and then we sit. I mean, I was a what is it, a sitting duck for like, I don't know, what do you call it, but for like two years, I was being pulled to do this business and run this company and do the things that I'm doing today. But I felt literally paralyzed to make that decision. Um, so I feel like if more women stepped into that divine calling that our soul has, we won't feel as tired. Our body won't be as stiff, we won't be as sick. Our bodies will start to show up and rise to the occasion when you step into alignment with your divine calling. But I think we are sitting back, people pleasing, being good girls, doing what we're supposed to. And I just, I don't know, maybe it's like something after we hit 40 where we're like, you know, I just I don't know. We're not playing that game as much anymore. But I I do see it a lot. I had an amazing woman come in uh a couple months ago, and she wants to have this nonprofit and do some pretty incredible stuff, but she is like paralyzed to leave her job. Yeah, paralyzed, but financially she can leave it. But the title with all the accolades, all the things and her ego is saying, stay, stay, stay. And I'm like, girl, I can relate. And what uh five years from now, ten years from now, when you're 95 years old, are you gonna regret staying or are you gonna regret leaving? Exactly. And I think that's the question we all get to ask ourselves is fast forward, you know, the time is right now because we're not guaranteed tomorrow. Exactly.

Dr. Tabatha 37:02

Exactly. And letting my ego die has been by far the best thing that I've ever done. It it's been profound to just see how I've evolved and how I'm able to step into all the dreams and visions God's given me. But I you said something really important. People are like, what about this, this, and this? They want the full plan, all the answers, everything laid out in detail before they even take the first step.

Ego, Desire, And A New Future

Dr. Tabatha 37:37

And that is not how we are called to live. That is not faith at all. There's no faith in living that way. And so if you are expecting to know the outcome before you make the first move, you're not gonna have a beautiful life that is full of joy and that feels fulfilling, right? Because God wants you to have faith. He wants you to take the step and then he'll start to reveal things to you and show them to you.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

And it's so beautiful. It really is. I think too, just in my own life experience, when I've been too focused on the end result, the answer was always actually right in front of me. Yeah, I was overlooking it because I wanted the end result right now when it's literally like it's right here. It's right here. And I love how you said, like, let the ego die. I'm giving a TED talk in Italy next month. Let's go! And I'm talking about the ego. And um, you know, the ego shows up in our life, it's usually mine. I was doing some meditation and mine showed up around six years old. And I remember the moment that it happened and something happened in my life, and I was like, I am never gonna feel this way again. So we are going to prove ourselves, we are going to be better, we are going to achieve, achieve, achieve. And when the ego's living your life and you're showing up in that way, yes, you will achieve a lot and you can have some great success. But you'll have moments where you're like, wait a minute, this doesn't feel how I thought it would feel. And that's when you know that your ego's leading and not your soul.

Dr. Tabatha 39:19

Right. Because it's not actually satisfying. That is literally how I became a doctor. I had people, you know, in high school, adults, not only just my friends, but adults as well, saying, like, you can't be a doctor, you can't go to med school, you can't afford that. How are you gonna do it? You're not smart enough. And so for 20 years, everything I did was to prove them wrong and to show them that I was worthy and that I was capable and able. And at the end of it, it's not fulfilling. You're like, what was that for? You know, and then you go on the journey to really figure out why to do stuff. And that transition can be really challenging because it actually that ego gives you drive and you know, really pushes you to fulfill some stuff. And so I would love for you to speak into that because, you know, I would love for the women listening to stop people pleasing or to stop feeding their ego. And so now we have to figure out okay, what actually drives us? And it's more, it's getting outside of ourselves and seeing our bigger part to play in other people's lives and serving, right?

SPEAKER_01 40:37

Oh, absolutely. Once we figure out when I'm with a client, we figure out like what is it you truly want. Most women are tell me, well, I don't know. I don't know. And they'll sit with the I don't know's for a while until we keep digging and then they realize, oh, they know. They know, and they know because once they start speaking it, they start crying. Sometimes it's uncontrollable crying that they are speaking what they truly want. And they just there's something that releases in their body this relaxation they go into, even though they have tears coming, and it's just like, this is what I want. And they go into it. But it's interesting how when we talk about it, it's like, well, I don't know. And there's like this block that is that is happening. Um, and then interestingly, like with men, it's a little bit different. It's like, well, what do you want? And they're like, oh, and they just like rattle off like all these things that they're like wanting to do and and everything. So um yeah, I think it's important to sit with those questions and really rediscover yourself for the first time. And if we can rediscover who we are in this moment versus what we've done in the past and look at ourselves like what if you looked at yourself like you were a brand new person? If you were in front of yourself right now and you just met yourself, like what would you want to be telling this person of who you are, how you are, how your heart is, what's on your heart? As if you're brand new. And that when we can paint that picture, because our brain works in pictures and visualization, we can work with that, that's where we get to reinvent or rediscover a new future versus using the picture from our past, we don't like that too much, right? And that's already done and over with, and we bless it and we say thank you for all those lessons. Like, absolutely. But like, let's get to right now and look at ourselves in a new way. And it's like, if I can snap my finger and wave a magic wand and do anything that I desire tomorrow, what would that be? Like I ask that question to my clients and they don't know. It's like, no. It's suppressed, it's suppressed. Like there is no financial limitation, there is no geographic limitation, there is zero limitations. What do you want? What do you want to do? Because we've stopped accessing that part of our brain that allows us to imagine, that allows us to play. We've stopped that. And when we were younger, that's all we did. We could be having a sheet over our head, pretending we're getting married, or we could be running in our yard with a sheet over our head thinking we're flying. Like we get to fly again. But we get to get in that imaginative, fun place. And I think conversations like this and being around also other women that will be like, oh, what do you want to do? Okay, let's go. Let's do it. Like, how do I support you? And that's that's really important too, because I think that sometimes people can feel uh isolated within where they're at. So going to workshops, communities, getting a coach, doing these things can really help us expand out because sometimes I do think people are a little bit stifled where they're at.

Dr. Tabatha 43:54

Oh my gosh, absolutely. We see that all the time. Yeah.

Ashlee 43:58

Well, they get stuck or they also had a dream at one point, and maybe they got that dream, but it has changed now. It's like the women you were talking about with the nonprofit. She obviously got everything she wanted, but she has something, and it's okay to pivot and it's okay to change. And but as a society, they're just like, you can't, like, why are you changing? You're where you are. Yeah, you're so successful. It's good enough. Yeah. It's good enough. Exactly. That's the worst.

SPEAKER_01 44:21

It's good enough.

Dr. Tabatha 44:22

Yeah, even in the Christian space, like I was raised to believe like you should just be content with what you have and what's wrong with you? Why do you want more? And I think it says at least 13 times in the Bible, ask and ye shall receive. You do not get it because you do not ask. And I just think God is such a good father, and He wants to give us the desires of our heart. He wouldn't have created us to have them otherwise. So we have to get rid of this shame and this guilt of feeling like, oh, I shouldn't want more. I shouldn't want to do big things. Big things is how you help the world, how you spread the gospel, how you increase the love and and the healing, you know. So I I could not be uh behind your message any more than I am. It's just so needed in this day and age. We're leaving all our power on the table and we're doing it for the wrong reasons. And I'm Excited that women are hearing this message today because I know somebody listening right now is thinking, I'm too old, I I've done it all, or it's too late, you know. Or I'm too tired. Or I'm too tired. Oh my gosh, that one's the worst.

Ashlee 45:46

Well, you're tired because you're you're bored in your life. Exactly. You know, you'll you'll find the energy when you find something that brings you joy.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

Exactly. Yes. That's that inner pharmacy. It's literally in that inner pharmacy, that little light is like God's light lighting you up. Yes, I'm feeling this way because yes, this is what I'm called to do. Yes, oh my gosh, yes, I'm getting more energy right now when I think about this. That's when you're stepping into it, is like getting that feeling and getting excited about it. And I think that, yeah, we just we get those moments and then we're like, oh, but I gotta do this. Like, girl, you don't gotta do anything. Yeah, you get to do what you truly want to do.

Ashlee 46:29

And you can start to surround yourself with different people, like you said. So even if you've been around the same people for a long time and they are sucking your energy, it is okay they were there for a season, but it is probably time for you to let them go.

SPEAKER_01 46:41

Yes. And I just I just did a uh post or it was like on my story or something, but I was talking about, I'm like, I don't know if you freaking understand what I'm talking about sometimes, but especially because you said the energy, I really do feel like all of us vibrate at this frequency. It's like tuning forks, right? They're gonna balance each other out. But I feel like we have like this frequency of like who we used to be, right? And then we're up leveling to like who we know we want to be and where we're going. And often the frequency of who we used to be pulls us back down with those people that were there. And they're not bad people or anything like that, but it's just it pulls us back down. And as we're trying to go up to this next frequency, it can feel pretty lonely because you're trying to up level to this frequency and you're not quite there yet. So some of those circles they get smaller and a little bit not as frequent to find. And so there is that space between that we can get lonely. And what I invite women to do is not just drop back into who you used to be because it's easier, it's safer because there is something beautiful on the other side of that when you completely allow yourself to evolve and up level to the to that next level.

Ashlee 47:56

Yeah. So good. And I also think be okay to not drag the people who are down there up with you. Ashley, you're speaking really just drag you down as well. So that was.

Dr. Tabatha 48:08

And not everybody wants to change. Yep. And that is okay. And that's okay. But maybe they're really lovely where they are. But what I always say is you can't get out of the you can't get other people out of the pit if you're still in it. Like you have to get up and out and evolve and work on yourself if you expect your husband to and your children to, you know, we get so many women who are like, I can't, you know, change my diet because my husband's not doing it, my children aren't doing it. It's like, no, you gotta do this, be the example, and they almost always follow. It just takes a little while, right? Because as humans, we don't know it can be done until we see somebody else do it, like the four-minute mile. Nobody ever ran a four-minute mile, and then somebody finally broke the record, and then all these other people broke the record right after it. It's like, oh, that's possible. Okay. So we just have to be brave. That is actually what we're called to do. And the Bible says that God has given us a spirit of courage and not of fear, not to be timid. And we have to, I think, start believing what God actually says. You know, that's the thing. We're just not believing it. And yeah, oh my gosh. I please close us out. Tell everyone where they can find you. You have a really cool assessment that they can take. Tell us about that.

SPEAKER_01 49:40

Yeah, we'll add it in the show notes. So it's just an assessment, kind of figure out what brain type are you, what are some good affirmations based on how you answer a group of questions, um, some different recommendations uh with that assessment, but it'll give you a full PDF specifically to you and how you answer the questions, and then you can just print that out or email it to yourself and kind of gives you like exercises based on your brain type.

Tools, Scripture, And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 50:06

So it's a really cool assessment. I'm really proud of it. I just, I just got it out, and so we've just started doing it.

Dr. Tabatha 50:12

Yeah, I loved it. I checked it out. I was like, oh, this is so good. So, yes, check it out. It's in the show notes. And I just want to encourage you to meditate on Psalm 139, 13, and 14 today, because God did create your body. It says Jesus created everything. And when he created you, there was so much thought in it. And you are a unique individual, but if you just understand that he created your inmost being, like he cares about your soul, about your emotions, about your memories and your feelings and all of that. And he's the one who created that inner pharmacy that helps you be able to renew your mind and feel differently. So meditate on 139 today. Like, read the whole thing, it's so good. But specifically 13 and 14, God says, for David says to God, for you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your words are wonderful. I know this full well. So that just feels so good. And like we need to get in the word, do we not? Every day, every single day. But I also want you to read stop bullying yourself, read the book, but seriously, meditate on scripture every morning. That is how I completely changed my life, how I became a new creation in Christ. And it sounds like Dr. Anna recommends the same things, right?

SPEAKER_01 51:55

Oh, yeah. Have that routine, have that ritual, gratitude, give it to God. And and then don't ignore him when he's helping you.

Dr. Tabatha 52:04

Yeah. Can you say that one more time? Somebody in the back didn't hear that.

SPEAKER_01 52:09

Do not ignore God when he is helping you. It is right in front of us.

Dr. Tabatha 52:15

He is always trying to answer our prayers, and because he's answering it in a way that we didn't think it was gonna come, we don't see it or we don't receive it. It's like, no, I'm gonna wait for something different. Yeah, girls, stop. Okay. Thank you. This has been so amazing. Absolutely. Thank you. I love it. Go be Christ hands to serve. I love you. We'll see you next week. Have a good week. If you like that episode, I have one favor to ask, maybe two. Can you hit subscribe and give me a heart? I want Apple to know that this is important information to you because when we tell them that, you will get more of it. So use your voice. Hit subscribe, hit the like button, share with a friend. And the other thing, I want you to download the five day challenge and get started on it. Take imperfect action. I will see you in the Fast of Faith Sisterhood. Till next time.